mal-likes-biscuits:

illusivexemissary:

A friend and mutual, who will remain anonymous, asked me, just now, in DM’s:

Why do people think Gabriel’s heroism is diminished because he didn’t DIE saving Sam and Dean?

This was my response: 
i don’t know.
  i think it’s partially the immature mindset that the protagonists are always morally correct.and that if you don’t commit ultimate and unhealthy sacrifices on their behalf
flike the EXTREMEST sacrifices
then somehow the good you do is moot.
i watch doctor who and recently there was an honest to god episode in which the doctor, who is SEVERELY flawed but the protag, said this exact line: “virtue only exists in extremis, without hope, witness or reward.”

 and i thought that was such. bullshit.

any small good deed matters. any act in kindness that you are able to offer another person matters. even if it’s not the kindness they were looking for.  even if it’s not packaged the way they wanted.  if you do anything in love, it makes a difference.  you don’t have to be gandhi or joan of arc or martin luther king and be literally martyred to make a positive impact on this broken shitty world.  

and furthermore it’s not healthy or model behavior to totally expend yourself in the service of others.
 i used to believe that and it cost me so much mentally and physically.
 i am still paying for that learned self-harmful behavior.  
so yeah. it’s important that gabriel be a model of heroism that’s not “in extremis” and frankly?
i think it WAS pretty intense on his part. he sacrificed some of his principles about taking up arms against a sibling to aid sam and dean in doing just that. 

I just want you guys who are maybe younger viewers to take note of this:

You DO NOT OWE people your entire life, your entire resources, or ANYTHING after you’ve been through something life-changingly awful.  You do not owe anyone and if they say you do, something is wrong with THEM, NOT YOU.  They are being manipulative and not observing the respectful, healthy boundaries of self and other, and THEY need to take a step back.

if ANYONE told me after i had been literally violated and mutilated for over seven years in isolation that i “didn’t get to say no”? i would honestly earmark that person immediately as an abuser. not a hero.  (and that’s not even Dean’s fault. it’s the writers who put those lines in his mouth.) 

Let Gabriel and characters like him be a model for you of how to do good deeds,

but also know when you’ve reached your limit,

and need to step away from the thing that’s hurting you. You aren’t “running away” or “being a coward” or “neglecting your life’s purpose.”  You’re just temporarily recharging your batteries, and that’s okay. 

Self-preservation in MODERATION is NOT SELFISH, LAZY, OR INHERENTLY “BAD.” 

I want to add in my 2-cents of agreement here, both from a life perspective and a writing one. Self-preservation is incredibly important. If you don’t care for yourself first, you can’t properly care for others. And you always owe it to yourself to be the first person you care for. 

This theme pops up quite a bit in my fiction, and if you see any of my characters taking on self-sacrificial tendencies, particularly ones that don’t result in immediate death, they’re eventually *called out* on the degree of their sacrifice, and are also usually heavily encouraged to care for themselves. Sacrifices that don’t encompass death are just as valid and honestly, I want to say even more so, because the person often has to live with them afterwards, either with how it impacts them physically or mentally.

Mild spoilers for my Diablo series below:

The whole idea of self-preservation vs. sacrifice is a fairly critical character point for Malthael throughout the series. Game lore suggests that when he was immortal, he was big on throwing himself into things without consulting anyone else. I see this as likely a combination of him thinking he was right (and thus not needing help) and also being too stubborn to ask for help. The first story delves into these ideas quite a bit, including the idea that as an immortal, he was actually incapable of handling the situation any other way, and couldn’t express his troubles properly.

But as a mortal, he falls into the same traps repeatedly. He throws himself bodily and otherwise at situations to try and fix them. He feels he owes the world everything, up to and including his life (not a spoiler, just how he feels about it), which you could argue based on his sins that he does. But it’s also pointed out to him eventually that he can’t make recompense for his actions if he’s dead. And that he owes it to those who care about him to at least try and give a shit about himself sometimes.

Which is a more refined version of the whole thing he decides upon in the first story when he fights himself – that he can’t redeem himself if he’s dead. And, as he learns, he can’t redeem himself when he’s working himself to death, either. 

I thought it was really important to dive into the ramifications of his behaviour, because as the OP said, I think the “ultimate sacrifice” is often romanticized, and anything less than that people are expected to do without question, regardless of their capability or emotional state. 

Sometimes you have to say no. Sometimes you have to tell yourself to say no. For someone who was once a villain, that’s not reneging on your redemption. That’s showing emotional growth and being a healthy human being.

For us normal humans, telling ourselves we can take a step back is one of the most important things we can do to be healthy. Take it from a person who has a habit of giving 125% and then falling over going “WTF DID I DO THAT FOR”. 

And this is why I love fiction, because done properly, it has the chance to ask these questions and give complicated, vibrant answers.

I am OP, on my Gabriel blog, a less than refined meta, I’ll admit, but from the heart, and my friend’s addition from another fandom’s POV adds a layer of important analysis. 

This applies to Loki, too, and frankly the entire cast of Infinity War, but more importantly, it has real life applicability.

 Be well.