Roast him, huh? turns the furnace up too high

Roast my muse.

“Eheheheh! Ahhhh.”

“I’m going to kill you.”

Banner, Barton, and Steve Rogers

Send three names and my muse will tell you who they would seduce, share a drink with, and hit with a frying pan.

“I shall seduce Banner and pray he remains Banner; have a drink with Barton, for of the three, he is the one I favor both intellectually and physically, though owing to our fraught past I believe he mayn’t wish to have that drink; and I suppose I shall strike Rogers, as he is the least likely to be injured, and, if I am honest, the one who most frequently causes me consternation and annoyance.”

“Rage will only get you so far.”

“It will keep me breathing, it will keep me afloat, for always one more day, and one more after that. Rage is my last remaining sacrament untainted by living, brother. Do NOT deny me my armor and my anesthesia.”

5.

“Once, just once, I’d like for someone to bring me flowers instead of corpses.”

“ …Captain Rogers, do you remember our first battle? I was one of those corpses, only upright, with a pulse. But even then, as a child of the great warlords of Asgard, I was aware of a valorous warrior when I saw one. A being bound to a code of conduct, one in which those lesser, weaker, smaller, must be shielded. And even then, I admired that. In the end your devotion to your moral compass led you to feel alone, I think. Perhaps even alienated from others. I can little understand being bound to laws of any kind, but I can understand following a personal philosophy so far out to sea that you suddenly realize you’re treading water with no shoreline in sight: no friends of a like mind, no one to rescue you when it comes your time to be frail, and weary. No one to say, ‘It’s alright now.’”

Loki pauses, licking his lips, parsing his silver words carefully, examining Steve’s stern features.

“Some of us were born to be lonely, for our own individual reasons. I’m sorry. For whatever it may be worth, even I, an avowed cynic, have faith in better days ahead.”

A perfect white tulip–floriographic symbol of forgiveness and fresh starts–conjures into Steve’s hand.

obscenely domestic starter sentences

cxmocxmmando:

❝ Stop man-handling the ice cream! ❞
❝ Change the channel and I’ll kill you. ❞
❝ You actual shit, you started without me!? ❞
❝ Since I’m up, by default I will get your _____. ❞
❝ Did you just throw a sock ball at me!? ❞
❝ How about this, how about you fight the rest of the cereal by yourself and I’ll courageously make pancakes for those of us who want a little warmth in our mornings. ❞
❝ Whiskey is a breakfast staple, anyone who says otherwise is fucking lying. ❞
❝ My underwear are now bright pink because of you, thank you very much. ❞
❝ Can you stop kicking me? ❞
❝ I don’t go shopping I get and retrieve. I have a narrow focus, unlike some people. ❞
❝ Did you walk the dog? ❞
❝ You, me, PJ’s, pizza, bed. The PJ’s are optional. ❞
❝ Only you could make the idea of beating up already dead meat sound attractive. ❞
❝ I can feel you staring at me, why don’t you just come in? ❞
❝ Good news; we have internet again! ❞
❝ I don’t want to file taxes, why don’t you be the adult? ❞
❝ You snuggling me over an open flame is an invitation for my nipples to disappear. ❞
❝ I know you’re scared of my mother but contemplating arson isn’t the way to fix this. ❞
❝ I installed a stripper pole while you were gone because it made me think of you. ❞
❝ All I was doing was helping the barista learn to spell my name properly. The song and dance should NOT have gotten you that embarrassed. ❞
❝ How about we just never mention this again? ❞
❝ Have you seen my earrings/necklace/rings? ❞
❝ You are literally the child we both want/neither of us want. ❞
❝ Did you call the doctor about that? ❞
❝ Let me pop it, just let me pop it, nothing bad will happen, I swear! ❞
❝ You almost left me at the gas station! ❞
❝ Alright look! Next time you want to barbecue with the hair dryer, just make sure I’m home! ❞
❝ I didn’t think the sink had this much water inside of it. ❞
❝ Don’t be mad, but _____. ❞

Bonus for multi-lingual situations:
❝ Can you translate the news for me? None of this makes sense. ❞
❝ What is the word for this? *points at ____* I keep wanting to say ‘printer’ but I feel that is wrong. ❞
❝ Next time she calls you a ____ you just reply with _____. ❞
❝ I’m sorry but my pronunciation must sound really bad to you. ❞
❝ Shit! The government doesn’t have my alphabet, put this in a way I understand! ❞
❝ Can you finger spell that for me, I’m not quite up to that level yet. ❞
❝ That was said so horribly wrong but you sounded very cute while trying. A for effort. ❞

Sickness starters!

rpmemestbh:

( as requested by the lovely @zalemoonshadow )

❝You aren’t looking so hot.❞

❝Maybe you should sit down.❞

❝I think I need to sit down.❞

❝Just take it easy today.❞

❝No – no. We’re going home, right now.❞

❝Can we leave?❞

❝You just threw up 3 times, you’re not fine!❞

❝I’m fine. I think I’m done now.❞

❝Just let me take care of you. Why are you so stubborn?❞

❝We’re going to the pharmacy and then we’re going home.❞

❝My stomach isn’t feeling so great.❞

❝I think my stomach is trying to digest itself.❞

❝I think I just need some sleep.❞

❝Will you stay with me tonight?❞

❝I don’t want to get you sick.❞

❝You’re gonna get me sick!❞

❝Holy shit, you’re burning up.❞

❝I can’t stop sweating.❞

❝I can’t stop shivering.❞

❝Are you ever not sick?❞

❝How the hell are you still conscious right now? Your temp is almost 104.❞

❝Urgent care or ER? Those are your two options. We’re not staying here.❞

❝Do you want some tea?❞

❝I made you some tea.❞

❝I’m losing my voice.❞

❝I couldn’t get any sleep last night, I can’t breathe out of my nose.❞

❝Oh my god, you sound like Roz from Monsters Inc!❞

❝Bathroom. Now.❞

❝Bed. Now.❞

❝I’m not taking that medicine, it’s disgusting.❞

Flirting meme: Timidly approaches Loki and offers a single thorned rainbow rose. “I got this for you. Each color represents a different piece and a different form of you. The colors are all so different, but they’re all part of the same rose. And even though the rose has thorns, it doesn’t take away from it’s beauty.”

Flirt with Loki.

The God of Mischief doesn’t have time to collect his verbal, nor his emotional, armor, before the mortal has extended the multicolored rose toward him.

It’s clearly enchanted; he’s already impressed by the skill involved in its manifestation, and he is about to say so, before the words sink in.

“ … you have divined much in my nature. Rarely is this achieved. I
… ehm, I thank you.”

“Can you feel your shirt? I think it might be boyfriend material.”

Flirt with Loki.

“I know not, my handsome bird. I may require your assistance to
determine the exact material. Do put your hands …”

He guides Balthazar’s palms over his pectorals.

“ … here.”

Vividly lime pale eyes lock on Balthazar’s features.

shrugs “Why not. Your eyes shine like northern lights in the skies above Norway.”

Flirt with Loki.

“Dr. Foster …!” Loki erupts in breathy snickers. “D-do be serious,
ehehheh!”

happens to look at Loki while pouring herbal tea, consequently forgets she is pouring tea, and pours significantly more tea than the cup will contain–Sigyn of Nornheim (who hasn’t an inkling how to flirt)

Flirt with Loki.

A childhood spent as the brunt of “good-natured” jokes about his frailty, pallor, shyness and sensitivity, has taught Loki both how to weaponize words to deflect harm from himself … and to be kind to loved ones, when the opportunity to mock them arrives.

Loved ones, or potential loved ones.

“Ehm, you’re getting … a bit of tea on the table,” he volunteers gently.