//I have nothing to say except that I fully agree with you.  Nowhere in canon is it proven that Loki would be anything  but respectful to his lovers, male or female (he is canonically bisexual btw folks, which many fans seem to inexplicably erase, and I play him as pansexual, so first of all, can we please STOP with the hyper machismo hetero Loki crap that is so very fanon? Thanks.) 

What people don’t grasp is that Loki is sympathetic to Othered people because he himself is both a potent metaphor for a person of color with internalized racism (a Jotun in Asgard) who has NO representation in the “media,” no mirror, except that which is dehumanizing (most often the Jotnar are referred to as “monsters”), genderfluid (CANON!) and LGBTQIA, not to mention feminine in a society that scorns the feminine practice of witchcraft as mere “tricks” and “deceit.”  Loki is power hungry BECAUSE LOKI WAS DENIED ANYTHING LIKE PERSONAL AGENCY, particularly when he found out the truth of his heritage. He is not an abusive murderer for the lolzies. It’s an overcompensatory ritual act on his part, trying to “rule” some kind of conceptual, ideological “throne.”  This is not the profile of an abuser.  It’s the profile of a victim who’s fighting back.  It’s almost like saying that when black people hate white people, it’s “reverse racism.” NO SUCH THING EXISTS. Everything about Loki is a REACTION. It’s a RETALIATION.  And yes, you can persuasively argue that Loki is behaving cruelly and unreasonably. Absolutely, what he does to others in the name of vengeance is WRONG.  But the important thing to note for the purposes of this Ask is that it is NOT IN HIS NATURE TO ABUSE:  his hostility is a RESPONSE to the lies and hatred of those who had power first.

Enter also the FACT that Frigga raised Loki. FRIGGA, the Queen of Asgard. The emblem of classiness and female charisma.  Frigga taught BOTH Loki and Thor how to be gentlemen.  And Loki WORSHIPED his mother.  You cannot tell me that someone with such a positive and influential  female role model would go around raping and abusing women.  

Many people at this juncture cite the Natasha Romanoff “mewling quim” incident. First of all, I’m calling bullshit and citing this as Joss Whedon’s highly problematic form of “feminism” coming into play, and his delight at slipping a slur for women past the censors. But also, Loki is in a tactically disadvantageous position in this scene, stuck in a fishbowl on the enemy’s stronghold, and while he wanted to be there, he is not going to give quarter to someone he recognizes as perhaps one of his most dangerous enemies (Natasha, who shares many of Loki’s personality traits and battle skills–psychological warfare, stealth, etc).  In that scene, Loki is using WHATEVER AMMO HE CAN from Clint’s knowledge base to scare the shit out of Natasha and win that round of Mindfuck.  I do not for one moment believe that Loki would actually force Clint using the Mind Gem Scepter to rape Natasha.  Not for one moment.  

But here’s a creepier element to the mewling quim incident.  Fans and actors in MCU (and I sadly include Tom Hiddleston himself in this) turn that moment of violent threat into a joke, even though it LITERALLY means “simpering cunt.” People need to realize that this is a symptom of BAD WRITING AND CHARACTERIZATION OF LOKI, N O T OF LOKI. Where fandom gets into problems, invariably, is when fans can’t step back from the world that’s been built and say, “A specific writer with specific goals and biases plotted this scene out, for s pecific actors with specific character interpretations to act out.”  It’s not some kind of cool kinky tribute to Loki to celebrate this awful moment.  It really is not.   And a lot of fans like to write all kinds of Loki fantasy posts, here and on other social media platforms, that capitalize on Loki calling them a mewling quim as some part of a seductive game of foreplay.  Now, there are dimensions to this.  If people set this up as an S&M scenario that’s fully consensual, and are somehow turned on by being called demeaning misogynistic things…then…uh, okay, not my cup of tea, but at least it’s not abuse per se.  But the lines of consent get REALLLLYYYYY blurred here, and as you yourself say, it can get very dangerous to fantasize about something that is INHERENTLY lacking in consent, and to use a character who is by NO canonical standards an abuser to fulfill an unhealthy vicarious fantasy is really Not Cool™. 

I have no idea if I helped you or just babbled uselessly at you but I hope this makes you feel better. Trust me, you are not alone. I am majorly squicked by how people outright fetishize Loki, and bend his IC-ness MAJORLY into super problematic tropes of rape and violence to do so.