//I’m a little concerned about the trajectory of multiple character interactions with this muse.
What I’ve noticed is that, because of my personality as a mun and person who prefers to please others rather than see to her own needs (it’s a problem I’m constantly working on, with self-talk and professional therapy), I tend to hold back on Loki’s negative traits. I mean, not always. Most people give me feedback that I write him as utterly terrifying and vicious. But that’s kind of his general comportment with strangers. My concern has to do with his significant others, friends, and family.
Nobody wants Loki to be happy and at peace more than me. It’s my single most important goal for this muse. At the same time, I have been making him agreeable to and accommodating of the hang-ups of others, and frankly to an extent that borders on OOC-ness. I’ve done this for the purpose of either advancing, or maintaining, significant emotional ties with other muses, in fear that those muses will not remain close to Loki if I unleash the full measure of some of his more troubled, traumatized personal traits. Not even the toxic ones, just the evidence of DAMAGE. I’ve come to observe that whenever I let him behave exactly as I think is accurate, it causes other muns anxiety, and makes them offer ooc posts that explain or justify the damage in their own muses. And I’m not talking about one specific person here, but a number of you whom I count to be regular rp partners, just from observing ooc posts on my dash the past several days. There were a number of those posts this morning, directly after responses to threads that I posted to you IC. And that worries me. It seems to be part of a pattern.
I don’t want you guys to feel that you are in this position. Just because Loki is disturbed does not mean your muse does not also have that right. I don’t want this to begin to feel like a competition on “who is the most fucked up.” My goal is that Loki be portrayed honestly and accurately, both the good and bad. I need to stop being afraid of people’s disapproval or disappointment if Loki is not always the hero who comes through and is the mature and understanding and nurturing part of a partnership, be it platonic or romantic. I need to just write him the way that feels correct. Please understand there is nothing personal behind this. It’s just starting to feel like my characterization is getting euphemized and cramped.
Until the point that I can feel comfortable again with a number of specific threads, I might be a bit more selective. It’s possible that real life stress is making it hard for my muse and me to be resilient to threads that are stressful in nature. I’m sorry about that. Unfortunately there’s a human behind this character and blog who has a number of human problems and sometimes these problems color my portrayal.
I hope this is okay with everyone. I’m just….really concerned.
icyxmischief 